Learning To Rely On Jesus

Another week has gone by in NMB, and I feel God hard at work in my life. I feel His love and mercy flowing through me as I am doing my best to serve Him. Not only do I feel my God at work in my life, but I have been feeling the enemy as well.

It's completely appropriate that this weeks theme on project has been about "Killing the Giants", or in other words, conquering our fears that are keeping us from serving God to the best of our ability. I have been feeling the battle rage within my heart and mind as the enemy's lies attack and try to tear me down as I go out and share my faith. I have never felt the enemy as strongly as I do here, surrounded by believers, truth, and opportunity to reveal God's love to the people of North Myrtle.

This week has been particularly difficult to gain the confidence to go out and share while relying solely on God for the results. I admit, every time I go out and share I get this feeling of dread that roots itself deep in my heart. A million questions buzz through my head as I approach an individual. The lies surface, and I begin to doubt whether the conversations I have are beneficial. But the funny thing about God is that He gives you reasons why it is important to be spreading His Word.

Tuesday afternoon was rainy in North Myrtle, and it was the day my mentor and I were going to share on the beach. Instead, I got a text explaining that we were going to be sharing at the mall instead. Rather than going to the beach where everyone is spread out, giving me the time to think about how I'm going to approach someone, the mall was cramped and packed to the brim with people. Somehow I got the courage to point my head towards two younger girls sitting at a table filled with shopping bags and asked my mentor, "What about them?" Of course, even after I gained the guts to start walking over, I felt myself begin to doubt. I expected to be shut down immediately after I asked them if they would like to take a spiritual survey, but they agreed without hesitation. The conversation went well as we talked to them about the Holy Spirit and we were even encouraged to hear how knowledgeable and excited they were about Jesus even though they were sophomores in high school. Encouraged and thanking God for being present during the conversation, we saw two more young women sitting by themselves. My mentor suggested we talk to them but one look at their salon-styled hair, thick makeup, and tight clothes gave me an overwhelming fear that we'd be rejected. With persistence, my mentor walked up to them and asked if they'd like to take our survey. I was shocked to hear them respond, "Sure!" Again, God showed up amidst our conversation as we heard one of the women explain that her faith had been growing during the past year because her mother had kept a strong faith even though her father had died. As we left the girls with some Knowing God Personally booklets I couldn't help but feel ashamed that I doubted God for a second.

Putting the enemy's lies under my feet!

I admit, it's easy to let the enemy take over my thoughts and believe the lies he feeds me. He knows what I struggle with and what causes fear within me, and you could blame my inability to hear God through the storm because I had overlooked one area of my relationship with Him. Throughout all the activities, weekly meetings, training, sharing, and bible study I had forgotten something that is the most important aspect of my relationship with God: my alone time with Him.

I like to think that putting off my quiet times with God is comparable to catching the flu. Once I overwhelm my system with laziness/busyness/or whatever else that has distracted me from God, the enemy infects me with a virus that only God can destroy.The longer I go without God, the sicker I become. I hadn't realized how sick I had become until I sat down for a three hour quiet time Wednesday night to reflect on the week. I am currently going through the book of Joshua and am gaining insight on the commandment God has given His people, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go,”(Joshua 1:9). What an awesome truth! Just when I think I have let God down, He stomps out the lies and boldly displays His truth.

This week has been a journey that has stretched my faith and pushed me emotionally. I had let Cru eat my lunch, but with the consistent prodding of God and His omnipresence I realized His everlasting faithfulness though I may lack faithfulness in Him. I had turned from my Lord and doubted Him countless times during the week, but He continued to reveal Himself to me until I noticed He was there. Most importantly, He reminded me that He is bigger than anything the enemy could ever throw at me, and my Lord is truth.

Future employment? Let's pray so!

With God's truths in mind, I set out on a job hunt for, it seems like, the one millionth time today. My friend and I were both discouraged as we first ate lunch at a nearby Wendy's. A few of our Cru friends employed there heard of our search and gave us the tip that KFC was hiring. My friend and I looked at each other with excitement and were on our way. We prayed before we began filling out our applications hoping that it was where God was calling us to work, and so we would greatly appreciate that you be praying for us as we anticipate God's answer to our prayers!

I apologize for not staying as up-to-date with my blog as I was hoping, but I appreciate the prayers you have been sending my way. Though it was a tough week to get through, you played a part as God stomped out the enemy's lies and filled my heart with truth. It won't get any easier the more I grow, but as you continue to pray for me God will provide me with the strength I need to keep my heart and mind focused on Him and His plans for the people of North Myrtle.

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7. 

Love,
Trish

P.S. I was informed this morning by my roommate that I rolled over at three different times during the night and plain as day proclaimed, "Yay, Jesus!" Thank God for community :)

Me, Amanda, and Sam (my roomie) with our custom-made apparel!