Renewed and Reminded

It has been nearly a month since my last post, and I apologize, but it is all for good because though I may not have noticed the changes God has been working into my heart, I am finally starting to see them reproduced in my mind and my attitudes.

Through Christ, I experience joy in His creation.

I started this summer with a mindset that was centered around selfish ambitions: how can I grow in MY faith rather than how can I grow FOR God's glory. I thought I was here for God, but in reality, I was here for myself because all I wanted was to grow as quickly and as much as possible in two months so that I could go back to my campus next fall full of wisdom, ready to show off to everybody.

With the selfish ambitions came the need to rely on my feelings and what I could get out of meetings and messages rather than focusing on my relationship with Jesus. I did exactly what the Bible and Cru teach against, "Not by works so that no one can boast" (Ephesians 2:9). My frustration began to escalate as I grew annoyed with God that I wasn't motivated to do anything for Him, especially quiet times, and I prayed continually that He bestow upon me the desire to have quiet times and pray and share and all of the things that a Christian is supposed to want to do in order that I may grow closer to my Creator.

As the month wore on, I felt my soul grow dryer each day and my satisfaction in the Lord dwindle to a dangerous rate. I was so embarrassed. My desire to meet with God had grown it's lowest it had since before the renewal of my faith a year ago. There was no way that I could still have favor in the eyes of Jesus. Everyone around me "seemed" to thirst for God and contain a satisfaction that I was jealous for. I put up a front to fellow students that I loved my Jesus with all my heart. The truth was, I just didn't. Jesus began to seem.....boring.

Alarmed at this realization, desperation hit me, and I cried my soul out to God for answers until my body couldn't cry anymore. God chose to keep silent because He knew that through my desperation I would learn to rely on Him rather than my own independence. I knew this in the back of my mind, too, but I needed more than head knowledge. My heart needed to be changed and broken to experience the joy only found in Christ. But how?

God began convicting me of my refusal to let Him in to fix my problems so that I could heal them on my own, and He delivered a convicting message He knew I'd hear.

June 24 was the day I was to attend a partnering church called Barefoot Church that I had heard didn't preach from the Bible and taught the opposite of what Jesus preached. I admit, I dreaded going, but I felt a nudge from God that morning to keep an open mind and an open heart. As I sat through the concert-like worship, strobe lights, and interpretive dancing I kept wondering, "What in the world can I possibly learn from these people?". God answered my question quickly when I heard the phrase, "Powerless situations are a setup for God's revelations" spoken by the pastor.

Ok, God...I'm listening.

The amazing women God has placed in my life!

The pastor began to teach that in order to live a full life we need to admit to God where we are, "Where man ends, God meets". I sat in my chair quickly taking as many notes as I could, hearing points like, "God will step in when we are honest with Him", "Have hope in the only thing that is not hopeless...Jesus", "A small amount of hope in the right thing will carry us further than hope in the wrong thing", and I felt an overwhelming calm as God reassured me of His great love for me.

The week went on, and I began to feel God working in my heart as He convicted me of being honest of where I was. I confided in my discipler that I had been having a horrible time on project because I felt extremely homesick, but after reflecting back on my answer and having her help me process through my emotions, I realized I had forgotten to include Jesus in the relationship I was trying to have with Him. God didn't stop there.

That next Sunday, a student gave her testimony during the Sunday night meeting and mentioned her remarkable witness of God's awesome power through the use of an "Impossible List", which is to write down all the things in your life you believe God is incapable of doing and pray for those things for six months. A perfect opportunity that God presented to me that I might place my faith in Him for bigger things than I usually pray for. Shortly after, a student director gave a list of verses displaying who God is, "I alone am God, the First and the Last. It was my hand that laid the foundations of the earth, my right hand that spread out the heavens above. When I call out the stars, they all appear in order, ” (Isaiah 48:12-13). I was amazed that God is so full of love for a broken and lost sinner like me that He would meet me in my brokeness in order that I might once again fall into His arms and give my life to Him once again.

The pin God brought to my attention :)

I am humbled that God allowed me to experience pain and desperation to show me He is the source of all I need, "God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort" (2 Corinthians 1:3). Powerless situations truly bring God's revelations as long as we are able to admit to God where we are at. Even through my ridiculous addiction of pinterest, God presented to me in a new light the verse Isaiah 66:9, "I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born". I cannot express to you all how overwhelmed I am to know Christ as my Savior, possess the Holy Spirit of God, and call upon my Father when I am in need of His power. The character of God has captured my heart and renewed desire for Him through which I may not have experienced without the pain that consumed me this past month. Even as I write this my heart is filled with joy in who God is. His Spirit has filled me with the gentle reminder that He is what I need which has convicted me of my selfish habits and has cause me to rely on Him to keep me humble and think of others before myself so that I may be a light for my Lord.


Of course, I cannot rely on simple feelings to know my God is at work in my life which means I will need an abundance of prayer, that I might continue to rely on God to fill me with His spirit and go to Him first for all things. I hope that you never forget God's love for you. Depend on Him to heal your hurts, fix your brokeness, and be the source of all you need. You cannot fix that which you do not admit and give to God.


Thank you for all your love and support and may you have a Christ-centered week :)


Trish

“The Lord is my strength and my defense; He has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise Him and I will exalt Him." -Exodus 15:2